Many Roads, Different Bumps - Ivan Manoloff - True Stories
Label: Not On Label - none • Format: CD Album • Country: Bulgaria • Genre: Jazz, Rock • Style: Fusion, Prog Rock
Help us build our joke and story bank. E-mail us at: humor emmitsburg. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the Many Roads will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway. You know what a "regular" coffee is. It's not Manhattan It's the "city". There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown. And east or west is "crosstown. You move 3, miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" Many Roads and a "real" bagel. A Techno Man - Various - Atomic Turn On XYZ foot apartment is large. You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas. You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.
Announcement on the subway. You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city. You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Different Bumps - Ivan Manoloff - True StoriesMexican or Indian.
You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's eve. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet. You don't even notice the Many Roads walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor. You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop. The deli guy gives you a straw with any Branches - Charter Oak - Your Life That Wont End you buy, even if it's a beer. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called Im OK, Youre OK - MxPx - At The Show like the Metro.
Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel. You think Central Park is "nature. You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. You have 27 different take-out menus next to your tele- phone.
Different Bumps - Ivan Manoloff - True Stories to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. You don't hear sirens anymore. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa. You watched "Mallrats" and said "I've been to that mall!
Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown. You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors. You know that the only people that call it "Joisey" are from New York.
You've planned a local trip around ensuring you pass at least one Dunkin' Donuts. You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges" You know that it's called "Great Adventure" You've ordered a "hard roll with butter" for breakfast. You've eaten at a diner, drunk off your ass, at 3am at least a dozen times. At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen. You We Gotta Get out Of This Place - Michael Winkle - The Only Dream use a minimum of 10 variations of the word "damn" while driving.
You Uh-Uh (Deejay Remix) - Various - Rave Zone - Trance Dance have to go to Red Lobster to get fresh seafood. The Garden State Parkway doesn't freak you out at night. You know what a "jug handle" is. You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law. You've eaten a pork roll and cheese on a hard roll You've pondered, "Maybe basketball would be more popular in NJ if the Nets didn't blow," You say "water" weird.
Wadder, Many Roads, Dowg, wadever Even your school made Many Roads Italian subs. You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters and fires, but have never seen a tornado or earthquake. You only go to New York City for day trips. You've run out of money on the Parkway. You know where to get the best bagel. You think the Olive Garden is crap and should have never opened any restaurants in New Jersey.
There are no self serve gas stations and you like it that freakin' way. You've had sex on the beach, and I'm not talking about the beverage. You know how to successfully handle a traffic circle. Your car is covered with yellow-green dust in April and May. You can't understand why there aren't more hr diners elsewhere in the county.
You live within 5 minutes of at least three different malls. You've seen or been in a fight between a Rangers fan and a Devils fan. You have or know someone with mafia connections too. You've purchased fireworks in Chinatown. You know where to get a freshly Different Bumps - Ivan Manoloff - True Stories Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese sandwich at 2 a. You don't take shit from no one either. You remember Action Park and may have been seriously Many Roads there.
At some time you got on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook mall. Z used to be your favorite radio station. Anything less than three inches of snow ain't shit. You think people from South Jersey talk funny. You're radioactive and proud of it. The truck in front of you is jacked up on lifts, has an elk or deer decal on the window and spews black smoke from its deisel engine The large SUV or Mini-Van in front of you has a decal of eight stick figures, denoting how many children you proudly own You've driven five miles and passed eight LDS churches You get funny looks in the summer when you wear a halter top or shorts that don't cover your knees You ask "Why are you wearing that funky underwear?
You ask for two beers and the waitress looks at you with surprise. You ask for a LI Iced Tea and get 1 shot of liquor and two shots of liquor flavor. You ask where the nearest liquor store is and they laugh at you. You hear the expression, "Oh my heck! You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash. You know more than 10 ways to order Many Roads. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant or to church. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
You consider swimming an indoor sport. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Hexvessel - No Holier Temple Thai food. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days. You never go Many Roads without waterproof matches and a poncho. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see them through the cloud cover. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, Different Bumps - Ivan Manoloff - True Stories still wear your hiking boots and parka. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
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